She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
