and i looked up. we had an audience...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
