his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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