I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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