I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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