toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
