just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
