I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
