I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
