Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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