I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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