i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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