She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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