i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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