So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
zippers are such a cool invention
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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