Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
