There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
