and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
