I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
God, you're like boner-b-gone
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
so much tequila, so little girl.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I have tasted many bathrooms
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
