You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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