He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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