my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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