kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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