Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
