Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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