I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
