I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
