woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
