Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize