hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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