I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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