dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
