can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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