IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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