You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
