My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
