put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
