Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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