Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
