Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize