I wish my penis had an off switch
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
