I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
