yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
