so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It's official drugs can't kill me
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
