On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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