Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
