Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Randomize
