I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i now understand why vodka
i think im in europe. pls send help
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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