P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
