My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize