So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
