I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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