u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
