Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
