I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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