we made out on top of his cat.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I AM VODKA MAN
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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