I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
