the new term for farting is butt boxing.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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