Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
