half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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