Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My vagina just clenched in fear
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize