just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
