AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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