She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
