end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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