I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
