So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
