Plan B is the new Plan A
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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