I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
