i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
