So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
