I feel like abortions should bother me more
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
