by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
