im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
