finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
