I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Dear god my vagina.
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