haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
