I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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