He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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