I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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