You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
