Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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