I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
