i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
