I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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