would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
