she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
