i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I checked into jail on foursquare
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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