my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
