I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
