Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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