he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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