Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize