The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
