eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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