look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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