I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
