I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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