My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
