i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize