So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My vagina just recognized that song.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
