got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
