i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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