So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
