Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
